One of the most pressing issues facing American men is their growing trend of loneliness. In a desperate search for support, many end up in a growing corner of the internet known as the manosphere. Exploring the link between men’s loneliness and the urge to seek acceptance in online communities in the manosphere helps address men’s mental health needs and develop healthier ways to find connection and interpersonal support.
How many men feel alone?
We’ve talked about the loneliness epidemic before. However, as more time passes, it is becoming clearer that this problem is getting progressively worse in men than in women. Roughly 15% of men report having no close friends, and that number is 10% for women. Both of those numbers are 5 times higher than they were 30 years ago.
The number of friendships is not the only key to understanding loneliness in men, though. We also need to look at the quality of these friendships and what people get out of them. Men do not get the same things out of friendships with other men as women do in their friendships with other women.
Women’s friendships are much more emotionally supportive. Half of women share feelings with their friends, while less than a third of men do this. Men are only half as likely as women to get emotional support from their friends. The same goes for telling their friends they loved them.
Losing friendships as we age
If you’ve ever heard the phrase, “No man is an island”, believe it. All humans want and need connection. We are a social species, and when we deny ourselves that need, we hurt.
Unfortunately, manufactured social pressures push men’s and women’s friendships in different directions as people age. It seems that men’s friendships change more throughout their lives than women’s. Women are more likely to maintain friendships throughout their lives. Major events like adolescence, starting a career, marriage, starting a family, and retirement all affect men’s friendships differently from those of women.
How manliness drives loneliness
Researchers have found that, as boys grow into men and age throughout their lives, stereotypical manly traits are the very same things that prevent men from sharing their emotions with each other. Traditional masculinity rewards independence and stoicism. Men are expected to ‘man up’ when facing tough situations and not show weakness.
This stereotypical masculine ideal shuns emotional vulnerability and bonding. This is strongly linked with homophobia, too. Those traits are seen as feminine. To display them makes a man feminine, and a feminine man is usually assumed to be gay.
For men, there is a powerful social stigma against seeking mental health help. Admitting to loneliness, sadness, or anxiety can feel like admitting weakness. This is one of the biggest sources of isolation and loneliness in men. With this in mind, it’s no surprise that men account for nearly 80% of all suicide deaths.
Loneliness funnels men to the manosphere
The manosphere is an online collection of blogs, forums, influencers, podcasts, and social media accounts that focus on men’s issues. There is no single website or central meeting place.
Lonely men go to this corner of the internet seeking to fill the emotional void they find in themselves. They have trouble connecting with others in real life and find no good bonds with friends. For men who feel overlooked or dismissed elsewhere, the manosphere can feel like one of the only places where they’re truly heard.
Some communities focus on positive self-improvement, encouraging men to take charge of their health, finances, and personal growth. These spaces can provide motivation and peer support that some men find genuinely helpful.
Unfortunately, the manosphere is, overall, not a very healthy space. Much of it is made up of “red pill” communities, a reference to the 1999 movie The Matrix. The common thread is that a belief that there are hidden truths to society’s gender dynamics, that feminism is a threat to men, and that modern society discriminates against men. The space is overrun with influencers looking to make money by exploiting the fears and insecurities that many men are trying to deal with.
What’s an “incel”?
Many of the men seeking answers to their loneliness in the manosphere are “involuntary celibates”, or “incels” for short. These are men who blame women and societal norms for their lack of romantic or sexual success.
People in this state of mind are ripe for exploitation by influencers who seek to convince them their problems are caused by feminism, women in general, and societal norms. For men who are already isolated and struggling emotionally, these groups can serve as an unhealthy echo chamber that deepens their pain rather than resolving it.
Echo chamber of loneliness, anger, and violence
The major danger coming out of the manosphere is that loneliness can lead men down a path toward more extreme beliefs. Narratives from influencers like Andrew Tate, Jordan Peterson, and Ben Shapiro teach men that they need to be wealthy, powerful, and dominant to earn the respect and deserved subservience of women. They say these qualities are what creates a “high value male.”
These messages fuel anger and resentment against women and society at large. In the most extreme cases, these beliefs may escalate into harmful behaviors, including harassment, stalking, or violence.
Several acts of mass violence in recent years have been directly fueled by misogynistic ideologies. In 2014, Elliot Rodger murdered 6 people and injured 14 in an attack targeting women out of resentment over romantic rejection. His manifesto went on to become a rally point for other incel men.
Four years later, Alek Minassian used his vehicle to kill 11 and injure 15, citing Rodger as an inspiration. Soon after, Scott Beierle opened fire inside a yoga studio in Tallahassee, Florida, killing 2 women and injuring 4 others. He was also inspired by Elliot Rodger, identified as an incel, and had a criminal history of sexual harassment.
Alternatives to the manosphere
The very existence of the manosphere proves one thing: Men are hurting, and they want to feel better. The real challenge is to offer healthier, more constructive ways for men to find connection and emotional support. Men’s Mental Health Month is an important time to remember that emotional struggles aren’t a sign of failure. The manosphere can offer temporary comfort, but it cannot replace the real, healthy connections that every person needs.
One great organization offering guidance to men is A Call to Men, a nonprofit organization that works to promote healthy manhood and prevent gender-based violence. They believe most men are well-meaning but have been socialized in ways that can unintentionally support sexism and violence. They offer workshops, youth programs, and community initiatives to help men and boys embrace empathy, authenticity, and respect.
This is a great model for what men need in 2025. Men whose mental health is failing should reach out to therapists specializing in men’s mental health. Those men struggling with loneliness should seek out spaces where they feel comfortable expressing their emotions and forming genuine bonds with other men. Reaching out to a friend, a family member, any man you know who might be struggling is all it takes to form a connection that could change the course of someone’s life. All it takes is a little bit of honesty and courage.